In the meantime, I have been developing a business that will see me leave my job, and replace it with a business. More on the business in future posts.
Transition
Right now the story is about the transition I am currently making. See, I have reached quite a high point at a relatively young age. I was made a Director (reporting to the CEO) of a pretty large Council when I was 34, and then CEO of a small Council when I was 36. It is a role of significant responsibility, and the natural career progression from here is to be appointed CEO of progressively larger organisations. It's everything I should be grateful for.
Problem is, that doesn't really float my boat. I've come to realise that I don't really like having my personality mediated by the structure of an organisation that is not me. Sure, I've managed to infuse my values into the organisation, but there are some things I cannot do. Even though I am the CEO, I cannot turn around the cruise liner that is government culture.
I want to build something that is good. Not just good as in performing well, but good as in doing good. I want to make something that is honest, and true, and doing the things that really matter. I want to build a business in waste management that lives values I try to live myself:
- Clean. Our facilities feel like they are not part of the waste world.
- Friendly. Our customers have the sort of experience that they will return to again and again.
- Respect. Our staff, customers and the environment are respected, seeking to leave a legacy of empowered people and a cleaner planet.
- Integrity. Only do things that are right, and that you'd be happy seen done to you. There is nothing to hide.
- Intelligent. Continually learn, finding better ways to do what you do and to outsmart your competition.
I want to create a waste business that doesn't do landfill (or incineration), a business that seethes with passion and brilliant ideas from coworkers who are then supported to go out and do it. The epicentre of an earthquake that shakes the industry to its core.
The Rubicon
All of this came to a head when I spoke with my Chairman and Deputy Chairman on Monday, confirming that I won't be renewing my contract. They are relatively supportive. Perhaps a little less than I had thought they would be, but there is no problem on that front. Nothing will happen quickly, as my contract has another 7 months.
But for me, it feels I've crossed a threshold. To be portentous (and perhaps a little pretentious), I have the saying alea iacta est running through my mind. "The die is cast", a saying attributed to Caesar as he crossed the Rubicon to commence civil war. This is obviously no war, but there is no return from here.
I confess to feeling all of the feelings of anxiety about my decision. I have traded the relative security of a job, ok but not able to fulfill all of my aspirations, and decided to start something for myself. I've traded the predictable hassles of my current job for indeterminate hassles from customers and staff and, yes, Councils. I have passengers on this journey - a wife, a daughter. A dog.
I do not go into this naively. I know that I will never "be my own boss".
I do not go into this naively. I know that I will never "be my own boss".
It will be ok
Yet it all still feels right. If I didn't feel fear, then I couldn't be courageous. If I never pushed myself to descend from the point I've reached in my career to date, I'd never manage to get down from the comfortable hillock and up the lofty mountain.
All of that.
In short, this is the first step in a journey. This journey will see me change from an employee of others, becoming my own path. It will be a journey that, I expect, will see a whole lot of bad days and hopefully enough good ones. It will see me dive deep into myself to make sense of what I'm trying to create. Because what I want to do is truly something I have not seen done. It may, but I've never heard of it.
I hope you stick with me to see how it turns out.
Thanks for the thoughtful post. I've found that when I don't know what I want, there's a danger of getting sucked into doing whatever seems the most successful, regardless of whether or not it's important to me personally. Keep us posted on how the business goes.
ReplyDeleteThanks Christopher. That pressure to do what looks successful is so hard to resist. Not to suggest I've worked out how to resist either!
DeleteAdam,
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you through the passionate creators group! You are wise to follow the whispers of your heart. Happy to hear you are going on your own to start what sounds like a sustainable practice/business that renders your vision visible. The earth needs this type of work! I've been meditating on waste and how little we talk about it in our culture (US). I will come back to your site for more. Best wishes and smooth transitions, Marjory
Thanks Marjory - it is always good to know there are people out there who support you in these bold new steps.
DeleteExciting news Adam - I look forward to hearing all about it on Monday!! Interesting - is something in the water?! My hubby is making the same sorts of decisions. Have to catch up over a beer I think ;)'
DeleteSee you Mon.
Sarah Langham